Synopsis
Welcome to this original pantomime script Once Upon a Time in Pantoland, full of laughter, fairy dust, and… total chaos. When the Spirit of Pantomime is kidnapped by the wicked witch Mouldywart, it’s up to pantomime dame Tallulah Tickle and her plucky children Tommy and Tilly to bring the funny back to town.
With the help of the ever-hopeful PC Pete, his loyal police dog Baxter, and a half-retired Fairy Grandmother who uses her zimmer frame more than her magic wand these days, they set off on a mission to rescue laughter itself. Along the way, they’ll face gloomy royalty, mischievous cats, and plenty of pantomime mayhem. Will the citizens of Pantoland ever laugh again?
This original pantomime mash-up is packed with all your favourite traditions. Slapstick, audience interaction, catchy songs, and jokes to make even the grumpiest Grandparent giggle. Once Upon a Time in Pantoland is a magical, madcap adventure that might just prove happily ever afters really do happen.
Roles
12 Speaking Roles + Ensemble
- Spirit of Pantomime Ultimate good-fairy full to the brim of pantomime cheer.
- Tommy Tickle Comic, Tiffany Tickle’s Son.
- Tiffany Tickle Dame, kind & caring owner of the local joke shop.
- Tilly Tickle Fiery young woman with passion, integrity and determination.
- King Charming A miserable King who hates happiness & joy.
- Prince Harry A young prince desperate to break free from his father.
- PC Pete Potter A cheerful police inspector keen to serve the community.
- Baxter Policeman’s faithful dog companion.
- Mouldywart The wicked witch that plights the kingdom.
- Snitch Mouldywart’s sneaky cat.
- Fairy Grandmother An elderly, retired fairy based on Cinderella’s Fairy Godmother.
- Debbie Organised and officious, PA to the Fairy Grandmother.
- People of Pantoland Ensemble.
- Fairy Students Ensemble.
- Ghosts, Ghouls & Guards Ensemble.
Once Upon a Time in Pantoland Pantomime Script Extract
DEBBIE Clear the way please, the headmistress is about to arrive!
(The fairies become even more enthusiastic)
Please welcome, her magical majesty, our heavenly headmistress, the god of godmothers, your favourite fairy. It’s the Fairy Grandmother!
(We hear the drag of a race car and a screech as it comes to a stop. As she enters there is plenty of smoke and lighting effects as if the grand prize is being brought in on a TV quiz show. As the entrance continues we see the FAIRY GRANDMOTHER perched atop a glamorous mobility scooter driving onto stage. She is an old fashioned Fairy Godmother figure, who has aged and is now well past her prime. She stops, reverses briefly and steps off – a young student hands her a glittered zimmer frame.)
Fairy Grandmother, can I get you anything?
FAIRY G. Speak up dear. I’m a little deaf in that ear.
DEBBIE (Practically shouting) Can I get something for you?
FAIRY G. (Having misheard DEBBIE) No, I don’t need the loo!
DEBBIE Nevermind. The Fairy Grandmother everybody.
(DEBBIE retreats to join the ranks of students)
PRINCE H. Your magesticness.
(PRINCE HARRY bows. The others follow)
FAIRY G. Who on earth are you?
PRINCE H. Prince Harry your majesty. I believe we’ve met before.
FAIRY G. Harry m’boy! My word you’ve grown.
(FAIRY GRANDMOTHER grabs PRINCE HARRY’s cheek affectionately)
PRINCE H. It’s lovely to see you again Fairy Grandmother.
FAIRY G. It doesn’t seem but a day ago that I sent your mother to the royal ball in a pumpkin carriage. She met eyes with your father and never looked back. True love! I was so saddened to hear of her passing.
PRINCE H. Thank you your honour. I wonder if we might ask for your assistance once more. You see our friend, an ex-pupil at this fine academy, The Spirit of Pantomime is in grave danger, and we must find her before it’s too late.
FAIRY G. I see. Grave danger you say?
PC PETE Yes mam. She went missing approximately 3 scenes ago, kidnapped by the wicked witch Mouldywart.
FAIRY G. Grave danger indeed. That Mouldywart is a nasty so and so. We must quickly discover where The Spirit is being held.
(The FAIRY GRANDMOTHER begins to walk towards the wings supported by her zimmer frame. She walks so slowly it is practically comedy slow motion. Realising this will take quite a while, DEBBIE rushes forwards again to the other side of the FAIRY GRANDMOTHER.)
DEBBIE Can I get you something Fairy Grandmother?
(The FAIRY GRANDMOTHER stops moving)
FAIRY G. Speak up dear. I’m a little deaf in that ear.
DEBBIE I thought you were deaf in your other ear?
FAIRY G. I’m deaf in both ears. I’m ancient! I need my magic mirror.
DEBBIE Of course!
(DEBBIE moves to the edge of the stage and is handed the magic mirror. It is a glittery hand held mirror which lights up when we hear its voice. DEBBIE hands the mirror to the FAIRY GODMOTHER who takes it in her hands as an object of value and delicacy.)
